Illness

I happen to be sick, with a mysterious cold, perhaps spurning from the proximity of my also sick girlfriend, or perhaps the acceleration of 'lergies' already housed within my imposing system.

But no mere common cold can keep me from my life of mystery and espionage, of course.

Would you like to hear? Of course you would.

It was Friday, the second day of my math final. I had suspected foul play from watching my surroundings the following days; I was the only one that saw the five cloaked men hiding in the room, watching us. It was hard to pretend not to notice them- if it were not for my amazing concentration skills I could have given away that I had seen them there. I memorized their hand motions to eachother and deciphered their plans.
Anyway, on this Friday, the fourth day I had seen them I had planted secret technology on my person. Very secret technology. So secret, I wont tell you about it. I'll just tell you how it all went down. Just imagine me using gadgets, because I was. Expertly.
Anyway, on this Friday they struck. They shifted in the shadows, spraying gas from their guns, concealed until this point. This gas, when inhaled by the thoughtless students I share my class with, caused them to freeze where they were, in muscle and thought, and upon awakening they would have felt as though but a few seconds had passed. Thankfully, due to one of my gadgets, I had been unaffected.
I jumped at the first one, snapping his neck and killing him instantly. I ducked the bullets shot from another one and lifted my pencil; the riccochetting bullet grazed the pencil and killed him. I jumped at a third and a fourth, I forget how many there were. I eventually stood, victorious, before a mountain of bodies of these men. My only injury was a graze on my right forearm.
I went to the nurse and she put a Scooby-Doo band-aid on it.
Then I snapped her neck.
She had seen too much.

A Story

So
I'm
at
work
and zombies attacked!
Naturally, this pissed me off, so I leapt to action, as only I can.
I clambered up the very inconveniently placed poles that stick through the middle of the store and through the exposed piping of a company too lazy to put ceilings in their buildings, as people in my line, worried more about getting their groceries than being eaten by zombies, complained up at me from below.
From my robotic exoskeleton, which I always wear to work for such an occasion, I flipped a flamethrower and a spinning blade-disc-of-death, from my left and right arm, respectively.
I leapt down from the ceiling, B.D.oD. churning and flamethrower spewing, into the middle of the produce section.
As zombie parts flew in front of me and disintegrated in the heat, some fat lady came up behind me and pounded on my back, complaining I had crushed her child's birthday cake she had just retrieved from the bakery section. I didn't hear her through the whirring, churning, clanking, squeeling gears and wires of my exoskeleton so I believed that a zombie had somehow gotten behind me and was crawling on me.
She died shortly thereafter.
After realizing my mistake, I carried the body (a feat I could have not performed without the increased strength from my exoskeleton) to the meat department. They packaged it and sold it on sale, and I rang it up for people all day.

The end!

Uno

Cinco de Mayo.
Churros.
Girlfriend.
Ribena.
Amazement!
I want to hop around like a monkey.

More coming soon!